Buhtt sex?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
