I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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