i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
