wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
