i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
