yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
