Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize