She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
