I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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