i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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