if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
