I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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