I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
