I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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