Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
