your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
