a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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