I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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