I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
