I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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