jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
