My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
