I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
