apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh god it's open bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
