You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
