This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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