I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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