so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
