we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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