I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're like the curious george of whores
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
