He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
