theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We're too hungover to prance.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
