Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
