she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
