woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
