Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
