sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hippo gnu deer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
