U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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