im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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