if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need help removing her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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