Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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