If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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