it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
