just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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