At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
