nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
