The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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