Grow some girl-balls and come out already
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
organizing the empties. That sober.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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