Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
