Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
