"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
