matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
